Bachelorette Recap: Broken & Beautiful Faces

OMG I literally take back everything I said about this season being “overly meh” because if we were to base the trajectory of Becca’s Bachelorette experience solely on last night’s episode alone then we have a winner of a season on our hands! ENJOY!

First Group Date

Becca’s best friends Half of this summers’ BIP cast show up to help Becca find the love of her life predetermine who they’ll be hooking up with down in Mexico in a few weeks’ time. Producers have quite literally laid the groundwork for the fantastic storyline that will undoubtedly be Tia & Colton’s BIP Romance so we all have THAT to look forward to! I mean come on Tia is still so clearly into Colton! Her mannerisms when he walked into the room were very much reminiscent of a high school girl seeing her “football playing crush” hang out by the lockers after math class.

Also – does anyone else feel like Becca one hundred percent did not “get down to the bottom of things” as she ever so staunchly declared she would at the beginning of this episode? Colton was all “I’m here for you, not Tia” & Becca was all “all is forgiven, here is the group date rose, let’s make out“. I mean what did you think he was going to say?

Good looks are blinding, Becca – RUN!

OMG ROBBY/DEAN CAN’T POSSIBLY BE ANY MORE ENTERTAINING. He is everything that I wished & hoped “Corrine” from Nick’s season could have been & more! I mean Corrine’s “I’m so real & funny, screw the rest of you” antics were like, borderline funny at first but I’m now just very much over it & annoyed by it. I literally had to unfollow the other day because her schtick is starting to grind my gears BUT I honestly don’t think I could ever get over the TV gold that is Robby/Dean. Also I don’t get why everyone’s hating on Chicken David for being an instigator because had he not been the catalyst we would clearly never have been blessed with such Jordanisms as “attached to me is professionality. It’s my face“. Chicken David is a means to a freakin’ end people – lets not punish him for the gift that he is bestowing upon all of us!

Methinks a two-on-one is in Chicken David & Robby/Deans’ future.. So here for it.

One on One with Chris

If the rumours are true & Bachelor Producers assign dates based on the contestants’ fears then my personal Living Hell would literally be any date involving a musical component of sorts… that or heights above 10 feet. Producers tasked Becca & Chris with the insurmountable feat of expressing their feelings toward one another through, get this, song. I WOULD SELF EVICT. They’ve literally known each other for like ten seconds, & I’m over here getting writer’s block while trying to express my feelings for Andrei in our literal wedding vows & he is my fiance. Kudos to Chris because he took it like a champ & his emotional story made me feel badly about exploiting his awkwardness over misuse of lyrics on Insta Stories.

Also side note: I literally never recognize any of the singers/performers on The Bachelor/ette.

Second Group Date 

Two ambulance appearances in one episode… during week 3?! Boundaries are being pushed this season. As predicted neither ambulance appearance was nearly as dramatic as the hype-fuelled previews led us to believe. Although I do find it sneakingly suspicious that ABC distracted us with the Kim/Trump two-on-one before immediately cutting to Chicken David on a stretcher with almost zero explanation or BTS action. I’m typically not one for conspiracy theories but Robby/Dean definitely had something to do with this. To be continued…

Ugh I’m kind of over the sporty group dates. This is always the part where I start scrolling aimlessly through Instagram out of sheer boredom. Like I literally don’t remember or care to remember anything that happened during this group date other than Clay getting injured which btw was SO SAD.

Rose Ceremony

I honestly don’t know why the Bachelor/ette Producers can’t respect my requirement for a stringently led life guided by rules & routine. EPISODES END WITH THE TERMINATION OF A ROSE CEREMONY!

That’s all! Same time next week?!

Brit

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